that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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