Michael Bay diarrhea
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
