My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
