My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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