Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize