my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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