I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
