I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
