is your mom at the bar?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm sobbing to NWA
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
