His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
