No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
