I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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