it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
