Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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