eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
