We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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