my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
