So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
