YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
