apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
