Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
