So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
