Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
