Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am available for nakedness
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
