he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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