I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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