I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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