it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
