you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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