I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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