So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
