I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
