Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
