Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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