Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
