Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
