I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
