His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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