Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
