I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
