all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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