is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
