reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
