i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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