Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
