your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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