I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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