What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
