Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
