Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
