i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
