OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
